In search of the "perfect latch" ... and other breastfeeding myths

Women -- have no fear of breastfeeding. I was once very fearful to breastfeed. After successfully breastfeeding my two first children, I was sure it would be impossible to breastfeed, deal with a teenager, a toddler, and an endless to do list.

At the last minute, my mother had to cancel her trip to come help me with the house and kids. Immediately, I started wondering how I would manage so many chores. Somehow I did it. The baby I was so afraid of not being able to breastfeed is going to college in a few weeks. Almost two decades have passed, and I have watched many generations of moms give birth and nurse their babies.

In celebration of World Breastfeeding Week, I want all new moms to know that they don’t need to fear breastfeeding. The fear of childbirth has somehow spilled over to become a fear of not being able to breastfeed. In my practice as a Lactation Counselor, I observe that the biggest worry of today’s Moms is not being able to achieve the “perfect latch” — and that, without it, they will fail at breastfeeding.

Do you know that the perfect latch is a new concept? Or that, despite not achieving the “perfect” latch, babies can still nurse with no problem? Most women around the world do not worry about the perfect latch the way new moms do in the US. Despite what you may have seen and read online, your baby’s less than perfect latch can be just right for breastfeeding success.  

I am not saying that, in some situations, the latch might not be the solution. Fixing the latch can work like a charm. What concerns me is the number of pregnant women afraid of breastfeeding nowadays, even though they are just as ready and able to breastfeed as Moms elsewhere and in other times. 

Moms today tell me that giving birth does not scare them as much breastfeeding does. “I want to learn everything about breastfeeding,” they say anxiously. “All my friends had a real hard time. They suffered for weeks, up to the day they could no longer bear the pain.” 

Yes, breastfeeding can be difficult. The pain, unbearable. The solution most of the time is reaching a place within that nobody has helped the new Mom locate.. 

There is a secret to successfully breastfeeding that many don’t want you to know: Breastfeeding is not a mechanical process. It follows a sparkling that starts shining during pregnancy. Don’t lose track of that spark. My job is and always will be help women find it, get back to it, and guide them to shine it towards their babies on their own.

A good breastfeeding experience starts before your baby has arrived. Learning how to navigate the hospital routine is essential, so that well-meaning doctors and nurses do not unintentionally sabotage breastfeeding. Having a birth experience you desire, being prepared for postpartum, and lining up assistance on managing the first weeks home with baby — all are crucial. 

In the photo above, you can see a few-days-old baby, over birth weight, sleeping very well with his happy mommy. She is confident that the way she nurses is perfect for both of them. No breast engorgement, no cracked nipples. This mom found and kept her sparkling.

As we honor Moms and babies everywhere, and the art of breastfeeding, know that you can trust in your own instincts, your own natural ability. There can be nothing more perfect.

Reclaiming birth power: The day I joined the VBAC revolution

Today, my amazing daughter Mariah turns 21. And 21 years ago today, I had my first “VBAC” — Vaginal Birth After C-section.

I always wanted to give birth naturally. As a former ballerina I knew the incredible things my body was able to do. I was not afraid -- but the medical system in which I was giving birth was — afraid of women’s power. Afraid of he power I experienced when I pushed my baby girl out — against labor pains, against a system that benefits from taking power away from us. 

They fear that we will remember our power; they fear we will remember how to give birth. They fear we will reclaim birth.

So what does the medical establishment tell us? Giving birth is dangerous — not straightforward. They blame our bodies, our age, our ethnicity; they even blame our babies. 

“You are too thin — too small” … “Your pelvis is straight;.” … “You are overweight.” … “You are carrying too low” …. ‘You have too much water” … “Your cervix is not helping” … “Your vagina will explode.” 

“You are too young/too old” … '“In your country women are not good at giving birth” … “White women are less resistant to pain” …. “Your baby is too big” … “Your baby is in a bad position” … “Your baby is not happy in the uterus” … “Your baby will rip you” … “Your baby is not cooperating.“ 

And then, we women prove them wrong. 

Yes, VBAC is safe. Yes, our bodies work. Yes, we are that strong. Making women afraid of giving birth with information that is not based on evidence is a crime.

Obstetric violence happens and starts by making women afraid of their own bodies. I went against a system that told me several times a VBAC would put my life and my babies’ lives at risk. I found a doctor who told me otherwise. 

I read books like Silent Knife. There was no social media, I  got involved on a Yahoo Discussion Group about natural birth; I talked to many women who had VBACs. I fought for my rights. I did it. 

And today I celebrate the power of having raised a powerful  woman with strong values, great ethics, and huge sense of social responsibility. We fought together then; we will continue to fight wherever life takes us. 

Birth solidified our ties. 

Happy Birthday, Mariah!

Angela's breastfeeding snack guide

Illustrations by Mariah Smith

The Hospital Bag: Essential items that will enhance your birth experience

What you bring to the hospital may directly affect your birth experience — your comfort, centeredness, and peace of mind. For the mother during labor I recommend:

• 2 comfy, non-slippery socks

• Comfy, long robe

• oversized T-shirt, long dress or labor gown of your choice

• sport bra or bikini top to take a shower or bath with

• nursing bra

• hair cap

• hairbands

• dry shampoo

• Q-tips

• lip balm

• coconut oil

• toothpaste & brush

• mouthwash

• dental floss

• favorite soap, shampoo and conditioner

• blow dryer

• prenatal supplements

• glasses and/or contact lenses with holder

• postpartum underwear

• front bottomed pajamas

• slippers

• nail file

• coconut water

• spring water

• honey sticks

• sour lollipop

• lime

• miso soup or chicken broth

• cranberry juice

• favorite tea

• first meal after delivery

• eletronic devices charger

• extra pillow with bright, colorful pilllow case

• fleece blanket

• wireless heating pad

• heating bag

• towel

• flipflops

• birth ball

• birth stool

• focus point itens

• birth plan

• postpartum plan

• essential oils

• massage oil

• diffusor

• eletrical kettle

• going-home outfit

For your baby:

• car seat

• earflat hat

• socks

• gloves

• receiving blanket

• going-home outfit

For the labor companion:

• extra clothes

• flipflops

• extra pillow

• blanket

• toiletries

• swimming suit

• snacks

• travel pillow

Be packed and ready for the great birth you have always imagined!

The Birth of a New Perspective

After decades of abuse and violence against women during labor and delivery, we are now witnessing what just a month ago would have been hard to believe.

In the midst of the pandemic, doctors are referring low-risk pregnant women to home-birth midwives — once unheard of. Women are taking charge of their bodies and realizing how risky routine hospital interventions are for them and their babies — not just because of the pandemic, but especially because of it.

Home birth midwives are finally receiving the recognition they have been lacking for years, as they take on a higher-profile role. In hospitals, the support of doulas is being missed not just by families, but by the hospital staff that once ignored or even ridiculed them.

For years, evidence-based recommendations were denied to the general population of women giving birth simply because these procedures interfere with hospital routine and are not convenient. Only well-informed women — most of the time through a doula — had access to information that takes their interests and their babies’ into consideration first.

Now home-birth Midwives are overbooked, and Birthing Centers that were second choices before are considered perfect solutions. Women are being asked to at be home as long as possible, just as doulas have been suggesting for decades. Meditation is being used as a way to lower the blood pressure of birthing Moms. Hydrotherapy — once considered “too messy” and “risky”— is being offered as relief for the intensity of contractions, instead of turning to an epidural right away (if ever). It simply makes sense.

And all of these are taking place by doctor recommendation. This pandemic is shaking all of us — inviting Moms to do what makes sense for them, rather than what everybody else is doing.

The way a child is born shapes its perception of the world, defines how the child — and later, the adult — will interact with others. The way a woman gives birth profoundly influences how she perceives herself, how she positions herself in the world, how she mothers her baby, and how she identifies as a mother.

Stop for a moment. Take advantage that now you have the time to think about what makes sense for you. For decades, low-risk women were dragged from their homes to give birth in hospitals, subjected to a routine of mostly unnecessary interventions that lead to more interventions — to more complications, and an epidemic number of c-sections.

We are being shaken; we are waking up. Women — claim your power to give birth on your own terms. Use your voice to say “No” to what is not medically necessary and is being offered just for medical convenience. Understand that giving birth is part of your sexual health; do not let anyone ruin it.

Stand up tall. You can do this! Bring the companion of your choice with you — refuse to go alone, find another way. There is always another way.

It is time for all lies to be silenced. Women do not need major surgery 24 hours after their water has broken. Women do not need to receive an internal examination every hour for the sake of residents trying to improve their skills.

Your pelvic floor does not need a cut. It is not going to explode or be ruined by the passage of your baby. The cut may be suggested to you with the idea that it will make things easier — WRONG! It is most likely to mutilate your pelvic floor, ruin your sexual life, or leave you with urinary and/or fecal incontinence. No kidding.

Get to know your options — and get to know your rights. Hire a Midwife; hire a Doula. Go to a Birthing Center, or have your baby at home. Pick a hospital that really gives you options, respecting you and your baby.

Do it for you, for your baby — and for the whole rest of the world. We have rarely had  such a profound opportunity to experience the ultimate truth that we are one, and what happens thousands of miles away will affect all of us somehow, some day. Your birth experience affects us all. Everybody should care.

“To change the world, we must first change the way babies are being born.” — Michel Odent

Listening to the Dads

What do Dads want? Much more than changing diapers …

Two nights ago, “Hair Love” won the Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film. This story of a Daddy learning to care for his little daughter in an unexpected way is emblematic of men’s evolving role in their children’s lives. Years ago, men ‘learned” how to change diapers -- now they are doing their little girls’ hair, and much more.

Men have never been so involved with child care. Changing diapers is not enough; they want parenthood to be fair for their partners. “I am cooking, mopping, running errands -- but I know there is still something missing,” they say. “Tell me what she is looking for … ”

Men are realizing that, when it comes to parenthood -- especially in the early years -- there is no such thing as an equal share. Their partners are doing so much more, and everybody is losing with it. Dads want to change that.

They come to me desperate for tips, and they are listening with open hearts. They see their partners are tired, trying to find their new identity as a Mom. Everything has changed for the women in their lives -- their bodies, their sense of humor, their responsibilities, their understanding of self.

Dads love their babies, but they love their partners first. It can be very scary for them to see their wives so helpless, so transformed by motherhood. And all they expected to do was change diapers?

Dads want to help with breastfeeding; and as a Lactivist, I have to admit that, for the first time, they can. Breastmilk served by a spoon will not sabotage breastfeeding -- and it will work wonders, allowing Mom to sleep for a decent stretch of hours.

Dads want to ensure that there will not be any resentment left after the diaper days are gone. And, way before that, they want their wives back -- in their arms, in their beds, filling their hearts with love and pleasure. Like they did in the days when the baby was just a dream …

Let’s rethink breastfeeding in a positive way. Let’s educate men about what women are all about after giving birth. Let’s show them how many ways there are for men to contribute to their partners -- and their babies.

Let’s listen to the Dads, too.

Beyond checklists: The beautiful vulnerability of breastfeeding

When women think about breastfeeding, they think of breastfeeding exclusively, always directly from the breast. But modern women, who have so many things to do, are being flexible about what is ideal and what works for them. This way, they can breastfeed more successfully and for a longer period of time.

But to achieve this balance and find success, women need to confront the challenges of breastfeeding -- a process that is so different from the intellectual, largely predictable tasks they usually handle at work or home.

Breastfeeding is all about allowing yourself to be vulnerable. You are taking a chance on failing, at something that is well known to be so important for you and your baby. It may even be viewed — quite unfarily — as a measure of your success as a mom. Many cannot wait for you to join the club of those who tried and fell short.

You are also taking a chance on something that does not depend only on you. With breastfeeding, you are relying on a host of unknowns — especially your baby. What is your baby’s personality? What about baby’s health and facial anatomy? How big is baby’s mouth? Is it well aligned to Mother’s nipple? Does baby have strong facial muscles, including the tongue?

We are living at such a high anxiety level as a society that it is very hard to just let go. In most things they do, women today can make a plan. To tell a mother that it may require two or three different strategies and a number of weeks to adjust breastfeeding may simply be too much. She may have heard from a friend who breastfed easily the first time and never looked back. But that is not everyone’s experience -- not by a long shot. We hear the phrase that women “gave up” on breastfeeding -- as if stopping was a simple, self-centered decision. For most women, this assessment could not be further from the truth.

The other very common scenario is the “just one bottle” offered to baby as a relief to mom’s sleepless nights. For many babies, that bottle is enough to make the next breastfeeding a disaster; baby simply will not take the breast, leading mom to more stress instead of the intended break. Some babies can switch back and forth easily, but others will have trouble latching on the breast after a single bottle. If switching off is essential to your schedule and needs, you may have to accept that, once again, your plans need to change -- feeding from a cup, syringe or tube might be the only way to preserve breastfeeding for the next few weeks.

When breastfeeding, you are also exposing a part of your body that most women only show in intimate settings. We grew up covering our breasts; now, all of a sudden, we are pulling them out in different places -- sometimes at the risk of angry stares and insensitive comments. Even when you are getting breastfeeding guidance from a pro, you may feel self-conscious. You are making yourself vunerable.

And sometimes, adjusting breastfeeding has little relation to the feeding process itself. It may have to do with a woman’s feelings about being a mother. What was her own birth experience? And her baby’s? Is she being supported or essentially going it alone? Understanding these facts will make a positive impact on your ability to get where you want with breastfeeding. It also might be a big relief, allowing you to let go of unrealistic expectations that just create anxiety and frustration. If breastfeeding was only about mechanics and milk flow, things would be much, much simpler.

The good news is that, even though breastfeeding can be hard, there is almost always a solution. I have found that it is very rare that breastfeeding is simply not possible. It just takes time, patience, and determination. But the benefits -- physical, emotional, and spiritual -- can be truly life changing, and well worth the risk.

Be vunerable and ask for help. Chances are you are much stronger than you think.

— Angela Lessa

Why hire a doula, anyway?

When women seek me out, often they don't understand clearly what a doula can and will do for them. They may wonder why their partners or mothers cannot take care of the things a doula does -- and, in the case of first babies, Moms simply may not know what the birth process is like. 

Childbirth is a transformative, intense experience that will influence the way you see yourself as person, the way you raise your child, and how you interact with the world. Having a memorable, positive birth experience helps to give you the confidence you need to get through early motherhood years. This is the essence of the "doula advantage."

Your doula will provide continuous, caring support during labor, all with the goal of realizing the birth of your dreams. The doula gives you

• wisdom and guidance that comes from having attended many births and seen what it takes to make things go well
• continuous support during labor -- being all on-call as much as 5 weeks for each client, available by phone or email
• hands-on care as you give birth -- not just massage, but support of a kind that transcends emotion and touch
• advocacy with doctors, nurses, and other birth professionals -- not to create conflict, but to guide the experience in the way that will suit you best
• postpartum engagement and care, to help you make the transition from birth to mothering
• referrals to professionals who can meet all of your birth-related needs 

Every woman has personal preferences and needs during birth. Some women will want a more experienced doula, while others prefer someone young and new to the practice. Some women will connect with doulas from the same background, while others will enjoy a doula completely different from themselves.

The best way to understand what you can get from a doula is through a face-to-face meeting and sharing of ideas. Know what you want and need, and find the person who can provide it.

The result will be an experience that will literally change your life! 

Meet with All Moons Doulas during Friday evening Tea & Talk sessions in Union, NJ. The visit is free -- write to Angela to learn more. 
 

Doulas & grandmothers: Different roles, same goals

The Doula doesn’t replace any member of the family, especially the baby’s grandmother(s). Many women believe, “My mother will be there; I don’t need a doula.” Many partners believe, “There will be too many people in the room; what will be left for me to do?” 

The truth is that, when all people invited to the birth are well prepared and have a clear understanding of their contribution to the process, each one plays a unique and valuable role -- supporting the mother in achieving the  birth she desires.

The grandmother can play the very important role of wise woman of the family, representing the family strength -- the one who has gone thru many life challenges, the one who knows the way. 

The Doula’s role is to include the grandmother as much as possible: praising her, teaching her how to relive to labor discomforts, explaining to her birth procedures that she might not be familiar with -- all while making sure the laboring woman is comfortable and is having her wishes met. The Doula keeps the space so the family can get ready to welcome the new member as gently as possible. 

The Doula minimizes fears and concerns; she believes in the process when grandma and/or mother is not so sure. 

The roles are different. The goal is absolutely the same — supporting the laboring woman while she transforms, opens and finally welcomes her new baby. At this moment, the baby is everyone’s responsibility, and Doula and grandmother team up to assure mom and baby’s well being. 

Once the mother decides to invite her own mother or mother-in-law to the birth, issues that might interfere with the woman’s birth experience may come up. At these moments, the Doula can help identify past traumas and unresolved issues and demystify old concepts about birth the grandmother might have. 

The result is a healing, renewing experience for all involved -- and a remarkable welcome into this world for the new baby.

The sacred placenta

It wasn't until I gave birth for the fourth time that I got a chance to experience the benefits of placenta for postpartum recovery. Even though I was just a few months away from turning 40, Idefinitely had the fastest recovery of any of my pregnancies. During the first exhausting weeks after delivering, I had the highest post-partum energy levels I had ever experienced; and, after an early breastfeeding complication,  my milk supply went back to full and stayed that way for 50 months! I also experienced no mood swings, irritability, or lack of confidence in my ability to care for my baby.

Since then, I urge all my doula clients, prenatal yoga students, and any pregnant women I get in contact with to preserve their placentas. There are many ways to consume your placenta, with encapsulation being the most popular one. You can also ingest it raw in small pieces, make a smoothie out of it, or cook it into a recipe!

What are the benefits of consuming your placenta?
    •    increased energy level
    •  stronger milk supply
    •    fewer mood swings
    •    quicker healing
    •    decreased postpartum depression
    •    less irritability
    •    faster libido recovery
    •    restored iron levels

No matter how you decide to enjoy the benefits of your placenta,  ingesting this amazing organ will help you feel more available for caring for your baby.

For information on placenta encapsulation, please contact Kelly Majoch

www.birthingandnurturing.com.

Hold on tight -- your doula is with you!

So much has been said about the benefits of having a doula. All the diminishing of interventions, increasing of mother's satisfaction with her childbirth experience, baby's adjustment made easier... But none of these statements completely describes what a doula really adds at birth.  

What is the " thing" that makes having a doula a hard-to-explain experience? Most women cannot really put into words why having a doula makes such a huge impact on how they experienced motherhood. But the difference is very real.

On a sloped, bumpy road, with no precise directions or weather forecast, it is hard to describe what your co-pilot will exactly be able to help you with. But it is safe to say that, at some point down the road, you will need someone who believes you can make it to the finish line. Someone who can feel your strength when you feel out of gas, guide you to keep going when you desperately want a short cut, help you focus on your final destination when your trip takes unexpected turns -- and, most important, give you a hand and tell you to hold on tight, because you are almost there!

Yes, your doula will massage you, bring you nourishing food, and wipe your brow. But she is also your good luck charm, a crystal for focusing your power where and when you need it most, a mentor who believes in you absolutely and introduces you to your own power. She will hold your hand literally and metaphorically. She is highly practical but also deeply connected to your source of strength.

Hold on tight, feel your power ... 

Hold on tight, you are doing it ... 

Hold on tight, your doula is with you! 

Relaxation Is the Key

In a society where feeling uneasy, tired, running on empty, and disconnected is actually a skill promoted since early childhood, it is very difficult to tell pregnant women to relax.

Some women have heard over and over that feeling stress is a norm for the high achiever. Being stressed helps you get things done; being on the go all the time means you are on track, that you are needed and are accomplishing a lot.

So how, all of a sudden, can relaxing be a good thing? But the truth is that relaxing is not just a good thing -- it is the key to a healthy pregnancy, successful childbirth, and peaceful postpartum.

A busy life style, older kids, demanding jobs, and lost ability to relax cannot be acceptable excuses to make you not at least give it a try.

Here some simple first steps:

* Try to do one thing at the time once a day. 
Don't cook and talk on the phone at the same time, or answer emails in the train on your way to work.

* Spend same time outside -- even on the coldest days.
Go for long hikes, or just around the block, walk on the beach, eat a meal on your porch, seat underneath a tree

* Bring back old childhood fun.
Playing cards, building Legos, modeling with clay, drawing, knitting, painting, coloring books -- let your sense of wonder and simple creativity return,

* Avoid TV as much as possible.
Select shows that will add to your spiritual and intellectual growth

. Wake up 10 minutes earlier, go to bed one hour earlier.

. Once a week, have a " Me Time." 
Do something you absolutely love to do. If you don't know what this thing is, go find it out.

* Plan your meals ahead, and make them healthy, simple and delicious.

* Take prenatal yoga classes.

* Rethink your needs.
Avoid over shopping for the baby -- consider second hand items.

* Rethink Baby Shower
People who care about you and can afford to treat your baby with a nice gift will do so -- without you having to go through the stress of a big party at the end of your pregnancy. Consider a Belly Blessing instead.

* Turn on the radio and dance your favorite beat -- singing along

* Gardening -- even if you don't have a green thumb, start a herbal garden in your kitchen 

* Massage your belly with pure oil and a few drops of your favorite essential oils

* Try meditation, CalmBirth, CalmMother, Hypnobirthing

* Read a great novel

* Find something or someone that makes you laugh out loud

Prioritize your spending

If you review your budget and prioritize your pregnancy, you can indulge yourself in a very relaxing way:

* take a vacation to a beach or mountain place -- take very little with you

* go to a concert by one of your favorite bands

* go on a date with your partner or family member/ friend

* include a massage in your monthly budget

* go to a retreat with your partner or best friend

* hire a house chores helper; if you already have one, add more visits

* consider taking earlier maternity leave to enjoy the last couple weeks of pregnancy

* take off and go to a pregnancy specialized spa

Discover what makes you relaxed. What people put a smile on your face with their presence; what places make you feel at home; what activity just makes you feel yourself, connect to who you really are. That is where you belong; that is the place you want to be as often as you can. Invest in you; practice being relaxed. Giving birth will be way easier this way. Let it go, let it be, and be generous with yourself.