What do Dads want? Much more than changing diapers …

Two nights ago, “Hair Love” won the Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film. This story of a Daddy learning to care for his little daughter in an unexpected way is emblematic of men’s evolving role in their children’s lives. Years ago, men ‘learned” how to change diapers -- now they are doing their little girls’ hair, and much more.

Men have never been so involved with child care. Changing diapers is not enough; they want parenthood to be fair for their partners. “I am cooking, mopping, running errands -- but I know there is still something missing,” they say. “Tell me what she is looking for … ”

Men are realizing that, when it comes to parenthood -- especially in the early years -- there is no such thing as an equal share. Their partners are doing so much more, and everybody is losing with it. Dads want to change that.

They come to me desperate for tips, and they are listening with open hearts. They see their partners are tired, trying to find their new identity as a Mom. Everything has changed for the women in their lives -- their bodies, their sense of humor, their responsibilities, their understanding of self.

Dads love their babies, but they love their partners first. It can be very scary for them to see their wives so helpless, so transformed by motherhood. And all they expected to do was change diapers?

Dads want to help with breastfeeding; and as a Lactivist, I have to admit that, for the first time, they can. Breastmilk served by a spoon will not sabotage breastfeeding -- and it will work wonders, allowing Mom to sleep for a decent stretch of hours.

Dads want to ensure that there will not be any resentment left after the diaper days are gone. And, way before that, they want their wives back -- in their arms, in their beds, filling their hearts with love and pleasure. Like they did in the days when the baby was just a dream …

Let’s rethink breastfeeding in a positive way. Let’s educate men about what women are all about after giving birth. Let’s show them how many ways there are for men to contribute to their partners -- and their babies.

Let’s listen to the Dads, too.