When women think about breastfeeding, they think of breastfeeding exclusively, always directly from the breast. But modern women, who have so many things to do, are being flexible about what is ideal and what works for them. This way, they can breastfeed more successfully and for a longer period of time.

But to achieve this balance and find success, women need to confront the challenges of breastfeeding -- a process that is so different from the intellectual, largely predictable tasks they usually handle at work or home.

Breastfeeding is all about allowing yourself to be vulnerable. You are taking a chance on failing, at something that is well known to be so important for you and your baby. It may even be viewed — quite unfarily — as a measure of your success as a mom. Many cannot wait for you to join the club of those who tried and fell short.

You are also taking a chance on something that does not depend only on you. With breastfeeding, you are relying on a host of unknowns — especially your baby. What is your baby’s personality? What about baby’s health and facial anatomy? How big is baby’s mouth? Is it well aligned to Mother’s nipple? Does baby have strong facial muscles, including the tongue?

We are living at such a high anxiety level as a society that it is very hard to just let go. In most things they do, women today can make a plan. To tell a mother that it may require two or three different strategies and a number of weeks to adjust breastfeeding may simply be too much. She may have heard from a friend who breastfed easily the first time and never looked back. But that is not everyone’s experience -- not by a long shot. We hear the phrase that women “gave up” on breastfeeding -- as if stopping was a simple, self-centered decision. For most women, this assessment could not be further from the truth.

The other very common scenario is the “just one bottle” offered to baby as a relief to mom’s sleepless nights. For many babies, that bottle is enough to make the next breastfeeding a disaster; baby simply will not take the breast, leading mom to more stress instead of the intended break. Some babies can switch back and forth easily, but others will have trouble latching on the breast after a single bottle. If switching off is essential to your schedule and needs, you may have to accept that, once again, your plans need to change -- feeding from a cup, syringe or tube might be the only way to preserve breastfeeding for the next few weeks.

When breastfeeding, you are also exposing a part of your body that most women only show in intimate settings. We grew up covering our breasts; now, all of a sudden, we are pulling them out in different places -- sometimes at the risk of angry stares and insensitive comments. Even when you are getting breastfeeding guidance from a pro, you may feel self-conscious. You are making yourself vunerable.

And sometimes, adjusting breastfeeding has little relation to the feeding process itself. It may have to do with a woman’s feelings about being a mother. What was her own birth experience? And her baby’s? Is she being supported or essentially going it alone? Understanding these facts will make a positive impact on your ability to get where you want with breastfeeding. It also might be a big relief, allowing you to let go of unrealistic expectations that just create anxiety and frustration. If breastfeeding was only about mechanics and milk flow, things would be much, much simpler.

The good news is that, even though breastfeeding can be hard, there is almost always a solution. I have found that it is very rare that breastfeeding is simply not possible. It just takes time, patience, and determination. But the benefits -- physical, emotional, and spiritual -- can be truly life changing, and well worth the risk.

Be vunerable and ask for help. Chances are you are much stronger than you think.

— Angela Lessa